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“I’m sorry” is a feeling.
And it is your feeling. It tells me how you feel, but does not say anything about me. I guess that by you saying “I’m sorry” I should feel mercy for you and for what you did. Is that what you are going for when you say, “I’m sorry?” Don’t get me wrong, you should say “I’m sorry,” but if it stops there, then you have only shared your feelings.
“I won’t do this again” is a promise.
It does not address the past. It addresses the future. It tells me your intentions for the future. I am glad you are planning to do the right thing in the future, but what about the past?
“How can I make things right for you?”
This is the foundation of every real apology. Any so called apology that does not seek to make restitution is exactly that – “a so called apology.” If something you did hurt another, then apologize. Say “I’m sorry.” Promise not to do this again. Let the person know that you are going to make any possible restitution. Let them know! Don’t make them wonder. Granted that there are some occasions where restitution is not possible, but you are going to do everything you can to make all possible amends. Without this, you have not apologized. You have just tried to appease.
For the Godly person, an apology, a real apology, ought to be a natural thing. It involves all three of these elements!
Lonnie
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Three reasons why we should apologize
1. An apology can help repair a wounded relationship. The apology might not help at all, but if it really is beyond repair, make sure that it is not because of you.
2. An apology can help rebuild the dignity of the one you have hurt. Good people care about the hurt of other people, especially if they had anything to do with the wound.
3. An apology will allow others to see that you are not proud of what you did and will not repeat that kind of behavior. It will show others the kind of person you really are. Refusing to apologize will also show others the kind of person you are.
Lonnie Davis
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I know, I know! You might be thinking that no one has the right to tell you that your apology isn’t genuine. You might even be thinking that you know your orn heart better than anyone. True, but here is a greater principle: You are not judged by what you say. You are not judged by what you feel. You are judged by what you do. A real apology is based on what you say AND do. Here are five ingredients of a real apology.
1. A real apology is always sincere.
Obviously! We all know this, but here is the thing – it must be obvious to a typical onlooker or else it is not obvious. You can tell it is obvious by the demeanor of the person apologizing. It is also seen in the behavior that follows the apology. Any apology that brings about no change, is not a real apology.
2. A real apology must contain the expression of “I’m sorry.”
If I tell you that I know I hurt you, I have only confessed. I have not apologized.
3. A real apology accepts responsibility.
This is one of the problems of the “If” apology. “I am sorry if I hurt you” is a faulty premise. You know you hurt me so why do you have the “if” in the apology? Even if the situation was not all your fault (it usually is not), do not change the subject. You can only apologize for what you did. Be an adult and acknowledge your responsibility. Makes no excuses.
4. A real apology makes any possible restitution.
Restitution is not always possible, but when it is, then a real apology always seeks to make the other party whole again. The wounded person needs to know that restitution is coming.
5. A real apology must be given by the right person and to the right person.
You cannot apologize for someone else’s actions. You can acknowledge them and that might help, but an apology must come from the offender.
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