The book got it wrong, men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus. Men and women are completely different species. Since we are so different, how do we learn about each other? The number one way we learn about each other is through marriage. Nobody really knows the person they marry. If they say they do, just smile and in 10 years ask them if they knew each other when they first married. The secret to a good marriage is that marriage is not about marrying the person you love, but loving the person you marry.
Along the journey of marriage there are many lessons to be learned, but I think I know what marriage’s first lesson is. The first lesson is this: “Your marriage is not your parent’s marriage.” I know, I know, the one thing you wanted was a marriage that was different than your parents. Whatever your intentions, when you first married you had expectations of marriage you learned from watching your parents.
I remember learning this in my own marriage. When I was a kid, money sometimes got tight around the house and even ten dollars could make a difference. When things got hard, my dad would go to mom and ask if she had any money hidden away. Amazingly, she often did. Mom had a practice of saving a few dollars here and there and then hording it away for a rainy day.
When Liz and I got married, I thought that is what wives did. We were both in college and finances were tight. The first time we ran out of money, I went to my wife and asked if she had any money hidden away. She did not look at me like I was from Mars, that planet was too close. She looked at me like I was from Pluto or maybe was Pluto. In her house that is not what happened and that is not what she did.
At the time I did not explain all of this to her, but I learned that she and I would have our own marriage. It turns out that it was better because it was ours. Through the years there have been many more lessons, but this was the first one. Our marriage was our own and would be what we make it.
Lonnie Davis
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